Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
