We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
