Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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