Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This beer is not sobering me up at all
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
