Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
