it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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