thus making me awesome and them whores
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
