I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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