Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
