you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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