Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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