Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
