maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
