PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
