Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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