I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
