My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
