So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
