Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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