1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
