I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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