Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize