I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
