I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
