do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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