I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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