My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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