i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
