i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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