Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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