Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
