Ketchup is God's man juice
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
