if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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