why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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