So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
