I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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