yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
