This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
