I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
