i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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