woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
