i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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