I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I FOUND THE LEGS
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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