I'm going to jail i love you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize