I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
