So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
