jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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