so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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