He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
