Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
