I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
