There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
