You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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