Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Less talking, more tequila
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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