ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
