I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
