Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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