Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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