I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
