i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
