just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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