normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
