Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize