Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
