we're blogging at a bar
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
