before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So many bounce houses so little time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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