he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
