He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
