I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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