I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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