Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
