my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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