Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
