if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I want her autograph on my taint
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
