Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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