Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
