You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
