He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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