I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
