the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize