I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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