You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
