Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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