you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
