help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize