i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
