Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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