the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
