It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
