just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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