Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
