Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
