this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
