I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
