Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
