My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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