He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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