i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
