Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
