Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
