i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize