Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
